Expectation vs Reality: Where Does Mental Health Fit In?
by Daniella Sampson

What a time to be alive. On one hand, women have more opportunities to pursue their passions and dreams. On the other, we face hyper-critical expectations of balancing it all gracefully and without complaint. You can blame it on social media, you can blame it on the Kardashians, heck I have even seen people blame it on Gen Z. Regardless of what brought about this new idealistic standard of living, it’s where we are. So where and when are we allowed to ask for help… to take a breath… or to raise a red flag before we break?

I remember shortly after having my third child, friends and family would comment on how I was “killing it”. How did I manage to not slow down with three kids in tow? Whether it be out and about, strolling downtown or the never-ending comments about how my body bounced back in record time. 

From an Instagram perspective, I was killing it. However the reality couldn’t have been a more harsh contrast. About five months after my third child was born I was hit with debilitating postpartum depression. I had never felt so distant from myself and my family. From the pictures, I looked vibrant and healthy, but in real life I had become a shell of myself.

Struggling with mental health is a silent burden to bear in our culture. And it isn’t a surprise for women since, not in the too distant past, we used to be diagnosed as “hysterical” if we were struggling with mental health. We’ve grown up seeing women labeled as too sensitive, hormonal, dramatic, etc. Thus making it hard for us to get the validation and care we deserve for our mental wellbeing. 

Then you turn to social media and no one seems to be struggling but you. How does everyone seem to be thriving? It can be a very lonely place to be.  And so when I was at my lowest and tried to voice my feelings, I was told it was the Baby Blues, it was normal, it would go away. But it didn’t go away. It got worse… a lot worse. But you know what stayed bright and shiny… my Instagram story and how I showed up outside of the walls of my home. 

For my journey, I was fortunate enough to receive the care and support I needed to get back to being me. But it took almost a year to do it. When I decided to share my journey, I got an outpouring of not only love and support… but also women who have gone through the same thing. SO. MANY. WOMEN. Women that I myself had thought lived the most perfect life only to hear their tortured stories of mental health struggles. It’s when I realized that we are at a pivotal time to change the narrative and stigma around mental health, especially for women.

So how do we make meaningful change? 

• It starts with releasing the fear of judgement, of not being good enough. The fear that vulnerability equates to weakness.
• It is not only releasing the judgement of ourselves, but also of others. We can’t change the narrative if we ourselves are judging how others choose to show up in their lives. The competition, the tearing down, the passive judgemental comments… they are feeding the problem.
• It is having the courage to use your voice. The more we can talk about it and normalize it, the more we can address it without stereotype and stigma. Everyone’s mental wellbeing deserves to be acknowledged and prioritized. 
• It is removing the filter on your life. I’m not saying share every personal detail of your life on social media. It’s learning to embrace the beauty of “normal” life to help us let go of the expectations of being perfect. Our culture has taught us to hide behind our social feeds and paint our lives in a way we THINK people want to see it. But it is a disservice to them and to ourselves. 
• It is having grace with ourselves in moments of strife and creating access to support so we can heal together.

I have seen the women around me do incredible things; from leading corporate teams to raising beautiful children to starting their own business. My message is not to limit your beliefs on what you can do, but simply to take care of yourself along the way. Together we can create a world where women feel safe, heard and in control of their mental wellbeing.

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