“The Wake-up Call I Needed to Find Balance in My Life and My Parenting”
By Susan Notis

Do you approach parenting like an academic thesis paper?  Researching every parenting philosophy, reading every book, and scrolling late into the night looking for the “right” way to raise your kids?  Do you feel inauthentic following a parenting model that seemed good on paper or like a failure when it doesn’t give you the results you expected?  I know this struggle well.  

I embraced my hardworking parents’ mindset—”Educate yourself, give it your all, and you can achieve anything”—and applied it to every area of my life. However, when it came to parenting, that approach didn’t work for me.  I tried to do it all: preparing meals from scratch, limiting screen time, filling every day with activities, creating a community of like-minded families, and crafting a beautiful, nurturing environment for my children to grow.  I applied techniques I learned in my years as a teacher.   I constantly strived to check off each item on my mental list of what it meant to be the “perfect mom”.  But after four years and the arrival of my second child, I hit a wall. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and my body was sending me clear signals that something needed to change.  That’s when at 36, I received a cancer diagnosis.

During the week I was in isolation for radiation treatment, I experienced my first real break from the kids in four years of motherhood. And as strange as it sounds, it felt like a vacation. That realization hit me hard: I had been pushing myself to the limit, and I was running on empty. It was a wake-up call. I began my journey of self-reflection. I had to let go of the need for perfection and focus on what truly mattered: being present for my kids and finding joy in the beautifully messy, imperfect reality of life and motherhood.

The path to wholeness and balance was a long one and will be a forever journey for me. It took reevaluating all the areas and relationships in my life.  I currently parent from a regulated nervous system and practice balance each day.  My health, my family and my students have reaped the rewards. I now coach other families in their journey toward wellness.  Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:

Balance Across All Areas of Life:                                                                                             

 A balance between mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual energies is key to nurturing a healthy, thriving family. These systems are deeply interconnected, and when they’re in harmony, we feel whole, centered, and regulated.   This then naturally flows to your child, creating a space for co-regulation. Your calmness provides a model for your child to mirror, fostering a harmonious, centered family. 

Act with Compassion:
Parenting is challenging, and it’s easy to say and do things you regret.  Practice pausing and responding with empathy, both toward your children and yourself. When we can stay grounded through the highs and lows of parenting we can respond intentionally rather than being reactive in challenging moments.

Look for Gratitude for the Simple Things:
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to overlook the little moments.  Whether it’s a quiet morning moment reading a poem, stepping outside to listen to the birds sing or letting the sound of your child’s laughter fill your heart. By slowing down and allowing space to appreciate life’s little nuances, we often discover moments of true joy.

Align with your Inner Wisdom:
Parenting is an evolving journey. While it’s important to explore new strategies and techniques, don’t forget to trust your own parental instincts. You know your child best. The wisdom to know what’s best for your family in any situation is already within you. Parenting is more of an art than a science. Flexibility and adaptability are key.  Trust your intuition because it’s your most powerful tool.

Nurture Knowledge of Your Child’s Developmental Stage:                                                                                        

By tuning into your child’s specific growth and stage of development, rather than applying a one-size fits-all solution, you create your own parenting style that is rooted in understanding, not rigid rules.  This creates more meaningful guidance changing as your children grow.  

Commit to Self-Care:
This was a tough one for me, especially when I was teaching full-time. Taking time for yourself can feel like taking time from your kids. Ask yourself what is it you want to model?  The answer for me was clear: I wanted my kids to see that self-care is essential.  Taking care of me meant I was showing up better for them.  This entailed creating a strong support system of family and fellow parents who wanted to trade child care time doing things like taking my kids to the playground after school to free up time for me.  Another time saver is developing a well-planned chore list.  When a family works together to manage household tasks, your schedule suddenly is more open for time away from the home-front.  See below to find the chore list that can be utilized for children as young as two.

Eliminate the Unnecessary:
Take a step back and assess what really matters to your family. The goal is to simplify. Focus on the tasks that align with your values and let go of everything else that doesn’t serve that bigger purpose. 

Discover the Freedom in Imperfection:
True success doesn’t look like a pristine home or picture-perfect family life. It’s about fostering a space where love and laughter fill the rooms, even if things are a little messy. The dream isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Rather than stressing over mistakes, see them as opportunities to teach resilience and the ability to adapt when life throws a curveball.                                                                                                                      

How did I get to a place where I coach parents toward creating harmony in their families? I’ve always been drawn to a holistic perspective. As a holistic health chef and someone who spent many years teaching in a school based on a holistic model, I knew there had to be a healing approach that addressed the whole person. 

The real transformation happened for me when I added an integrative wellness coach to complement my regular therapy sessions. When I stopped chasing the idea of “perfect” parenting and started prioritizing my own balance, I discovered a sense of inner peace.  I saw something incredible happen: the energy in our home shifted. The anxious, chaotic vibrations gave way to a calm, centered space. 

While I offer a variety of tools to clients for tackling challenging parenting moments, I find when parents are guided to find balance within themselves, it naturally leads to the peaceful, harmonious family we all desire and deserve.

**Susan Notis is a certified integrative wellness coach and the founder of In Balance Life and Parent Coaching. Her coaching programs empower parents to overcome overwhelm, release perfectionism, cultivate balance, and lead with compassion. Drawing on her experience as  an award winning teacher in both public and holistic educational settings, as well as her work as a parent and teacher educator, Susan integrates both personal and professional insights into her coaching practice. She is the co-author of The Perfectly Imperfect Family: Real Solutions for Mindful Parents Navigating Today’s Biggest Challenges.  Susan is the proud mom of two teenagers. Visit www.inbalancelifeandparentcoaching.com to access a free guide to creating age appropriate chores for the entire family and to book a free consultation. 

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